The invasion of the miniature strangers....
...Or the invasion of the sleep snatchers!
The day you take them away...
We arrived fairly early to pick our boys up, it was fairly quick really. The foster carers had brought them presents and the boys themselves seemed quite happy to leave.Watson seemed a little sad and ran back to the male carer for a cuddle, Holmes, however seemed quite settled about it all. In all fairness, they wanted to move him on and I suspect he was aware on some level of this (he had displayed an unusual level of tantruming and rage with them- and they said they couldn't go anywhere with him).
In the car Watson muttered the male foster carers name once in a sad manner, like it was sinking in for him. The drive home was strange as we both knew the support was gone, they weren't going back and we didn't have the safety net of the foster carers. We had no idea how they would react to sleeping in our house (they had played in their rooms but not stayed over). Would they really be able to understand? I am not going to lie, it feels like you are abducting the children! Ours came compliantly (many don't and I can't even contemplate how hard it must be to take a child who is screaming and crying about the move). Even so, we were aware this compliance might change at any point.
There is also a sense of overwhelming joy- finally a family, finally ours! the introductions can be frustrating (especially if they are going well) as you just want to take them away and huddle together in your own corner of the world.
What I can say is no one can prepare you for what it is like to suddenly become parents, especially if you are like us and don't have tiny people in your lives already within the family- it is pretty alien and you are thrown into parenthood without a manual (okay, you can buy 'manuals' but I never read the instructions properly anyway!).
The first night was odd, they went to bed brilliantly, smiling and kisses (story didn't go well but that is another post!), we left the room, silence apart from a few called out 'good nights'...slept through, no issues. This continued for quite some time, around two months- we thought we were blessed (how wrong we were!).
They became the sleep snatchers, not because they kept us awake, because I became hyper alert to noises and movements- prepared to throw myself out of bed for any sign of distress! This did wear off as you recognise what noises are no more than sleep and you become more confident they will let you know if they need you.
In the twilight time (not talking rubbish vampires that sparkle here) there was a strange peace- in the early days we were obsessed with the children having a tidy home and we used to whirlwind round tidying and cleaning- like we had to impress them (that, unfortunately stopped, we really should get back into this habit!). Then a peace descended. A strange quietness that was just us and the dogs and the cat- the old normal. It was easy to forget there were even children in the house. There were moment when the unseen strangers upstairs ceased to be and when you caught yourself in that moment it was like a little shudder, not unpleasant, just odd that you felt for a moment, normal. There was also guilt attached to that little thought as well as a smidgen of freedom!
Unlike having a new baby- there aren't hoards of visitors, you are encouraged for there not to be. We slowly introduced people to our little strangers, one a week roughly- Friends came later. It is a strange feeling, you want to show off your little strangers to the world, so pleased and proud these little humans are your children now but instead you stay hidden.
Of course this is needed to help the bonding- and it really does. we probably introduced friends too soon but at the same time the boys love our close friends and two of them have agreed to be named as legal guardians, second to my husbands sister who is our first legal guardian should anything happen to us.
Behaviour and attachment was interesting in the first month or so. Watson attached initially to my husband and Holmes to me. We noticed this in introductions so we decided to swap out attention a little- it never went back! Watson attached to me and Holmes became a daddy's boy- which got worse as he started to reject my help with anything. The little strangers were starting to become little personalities and starting to bond- albeit in a slightly worrying way with Holmes.
About three weeks in we had our first big tantrum from Holmes. They got steadily worse.They could be up to an hour long and three times a day. Husband went back to work as we felt he needed some time in nursery to get back to a normal routing (he was at nursery before). We had been told by their SW they had to be in separate nurseries due to sharing issues so stupidly we listened to this advice (it later came out that no one was sure why we were told this) It turned out I had to fight to get Watson in a nursery that was full (and attached to the local school). I got him in but he couldn't start until January. This meant he was at home with me, which he loved but it meant that Holmes resented this a bit (even though he enjoyed nursery). I think he may have resented me a bit for this too- not that I think it is quite like that in a toddler's brain but it must resonate somehow.
In the home they were a whirlwind of energy and noise- largely noise. they were very demanding and with no manners or thought for others. I understand this- they were becoming more secure and good things were quite literally on a plate for them- why wouldn't they want more?
Slowly we established and amended routines (another post I am sure). We got to know each other and the strangers turned into our sons.
The day you take them away...
We arrived fairly early to pick our boys up, it was fairly quick really. The foster carers had brought them presents and the boys themselves seemed quite happy to leave.Watson seemed a little sad and ran back to the male carer for a cuddle, Holmes, however seemed quite settled about it all. In all fairness, they wanted to move him on and I suspect he was aware on some level of this (he had displayed an unusual level of tantruming and rage with them- and they said they couldn't go anywhere with him).
In the car Watson muttered the male foster carers name once in a sad manner, like it was sinking in for him. The drive home was strange as we both knew the support was gone, they weren't going back and we didn't have the safety net of the foster carers. We had no idea how they would react to sleeping in our house (they had played in their rooms but not stayed over). Would they really be able to understand? I am not going to lie, it feels like you are abducting the children! Ours came compliantly (many don't and I can't even contemplate how hard it must be to take a child who is screaming and crying about the move). Even so, we were aware this compliance might change at any point.
There is also a sense of overwhelming joy- finally a family, finally ours! the introductions can be frustrating (especially if they are going well) as you just want to take them away and huddle together in your own corner of the world.
What I can say is no one can prepare you for what it is like to suddenly become parents, especially if you are like us and don't have tiny people in your lives already within the family- it is pretty alien and you are thrown into parenthood without a manual (okay, you can buy 'manuals' but I never read the instructions properly anyway!).
The first night was odd, they went to bed brilliantly, smiling and kisses (story didn't go well but that is another post!), we left the room, silence apart from a few called out 'good nights'...slept through, no issues. This continued for quite some time, around two months- we thought we were blessed (how wrong we were!).
They became the sleep snatchers, not because they kept us awake, because I became hyper alert to noises and movements- prepared to throw myself out of bed for any sign of distress! This did wear off as you recognise what noises are no more than sleep and you become more confident they will let you know if they need you.
In the twilight time (not talking rubbish vampires that sparkle here) there was a strange peace- in the early days we were obsessed with the children having a tidy home and we used to whirlwind round tidying and cleaning- like we had to impress them (that, unfortunately stopped, we really should get back into this habit!). Then a peace descended. A strange quietness that was just us and the dogs and the cat- the old normal. It was easy to forget there were even children in the house. There were moment when the unseen strangers upstairs ceased to be and when you caught yourself in that moment it was like a little shudder, not unpleasant, just odd that you felt for a moment, normal. There was also guilt attached to that little thought as well as a smidgen of freedom!
Unlike having a new baby- there aren't hoards of visitors, you are encouraged for there not to be. We slowly introduced people to our little strangers, one a week roughly- Friends came later. It is a strange feeling, you want to show off your little strangers to the world, so pleased and proud these little humans are your children now but instead you stay hidden.
Of course this is needed to help the bonding- and it really does. we probably introduced friends too soon but at the same time the boys love our close friends and two of them have agreed to be named as legal guardians, second to my husbands sister who is our first legal guardian should anything happen to us.
Behaviour and attachment was interesting in the first month or so. Watson attached initially to my husband and Holmes to me. We noticed this in introductions so we decided to swap out attention a little- it never went back! Watson attached to me and Holmes became a daddy's boy- which got worse as he started to reject my help with anything. The little strangers were starting to become little personalities and starting to bond- albeit in a slightly worrying way with Holmes.
About three weeks in we had our first big tantrum from Holmes. They got steadily worse.They could be up to an hour long and three times a day. Husband went back to work as we felt he needed some time in nursery to get back to a normal routing (he was at nursery before). We had been told by their SW they had to be in separate nurseries due to sharing issues so stupidly we listened to this advice (it later came out that no one was sure why we were told this) It turned out I had to fight to get Watson in a nursery that was full (and attached to the local school). I got him in but he couldn't start until January. This meant he was at home with me, which he loved but it meant that Holmes resented this a bit (even though he enjoyed nursery). I think he may have resented me a bit for this too- not that I think it is quite like that in a toddler's brain but it must resonate somehow.
In the home they were a whirlwind of energy and noise- largely noise. they were very demanding and with no manners or thought for others. I understand this- they were becoming more secure and good things were quite literally on a plate for them- why wouldn't they want more?
Slowly we established and amended routines (another post I am sure). We got to know each other and the strangers turned into our sons.
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